The Big Things!

The Big Things

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A few months ago, we discussed the little things and how they have an impact on the big things.

(If you haven’t read my previous post from this series, you need to do that before you read this post)

 The effect of the little things on the big things is very fundamental. Formal dining etiquette which we all consider to be a big thing is a typical scenario of how your little mess-ups end up affecting the big stuff.

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Let us examine this scenario: You sat properly, chewed with your mouth closed, ate continental style an placed your cutlery in the right position after wards; you were simply exquisite in the art of fine dining. Then, you need to use the rest room and you just get up and leave- no "excuse me”.

 It’s not because you weren’t taught to excuse yourself when you were learning dinning etiquette, but because it is not a natural reflex for you outside of the formal dining environment, so it easily slipped away. You have been so conscious about keeping up an appearance in terms of dining , but that inner part of you that is so used to just getting up and leaving would resurface and you might have  taken three steps before aunty etiquette reminds you. Then you turn back and say “I’m so sorry, please excuse me”

Photo by Daria Shevtsova from Pexels 

I hope I painted the scenario well enough.

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So, to the big things- the things we dread.

Etiquette, despite the common things as mentions in my previous post in this series is actually an act of refinement - a very deliberate action to be outstanding

I would like to quickly discuss three aspects where people seem to be struggling. 

1.  Formal dinners/ ceremonial comportment and networking- talking, eating and gift giving.

2.   Posture- walking, sitting and standing. 

3.  Communication- one on one conversations and digital correspondence. 


Formal dinners/ ceremonial comportment and networking-

 This is a lifestyle blog, so I think I can discuss just about anything. 

Relating with different people, believe me, I have heard the worst and the most ignorant statements.

If you’re one of those people who like to say “I can’t kill myself jare- what is it”, it’s not about living up to certain standards of society- it’s about being able to navigate any area of society successfully.

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I’m not asking you to subscribe to only one method of dinning- I’m asking you to apply the appropriate one for the setting and kind of food.

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Let me shock you and say that I personally do not subscribe to using cutlery to eat swallow in an ideal African society- not because we are backwards or barbaric- but because the true beauty and satisfaction of any food comes from how it is eaten and only those who own a certain food can dictate how best it should be eaten.

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Taking a cue from my previous statement however, I’d like to now emphasize that there a foods which are best suited for a fork and knife- not a spoon and definitely not your hands- so, no I’m not asking you be try to tailor your life to fit another person’s ideal society, I’m asking you to adapt when the need arises. So, If you are in an in a formal dinner, kindly follow the rules of dining-

1.       Your fork in you left hand, knife in your right hand (I have video of a basic place setting that can help you navigate your china and silverware- @jolathefirst on instagram)

2.       No talking  with your mouth full, however, conversations can be held in between, as long as you’re not chewing or trying to swallow anything.

3.       No one need to know that you’re going to the rest room. A simple “excuse me” would suffice. No “please I need to use the restroom”

Other general social dining and networking rules are:

4.       If you’re invited to event where there is a need to bring a gift, save yourself the stress and possible embarrassment by bringing a bottle of wine, a jar of cookies or a box of chocolates, except you can afford something of top quality.

5.       Also, I know that Cocktail parties are annoying because you have to stand. The idea is to eat a little, drink a little, then network. Move around, meet people- but please don’t barge in on other peoples’ conversations.

                                           Photo by bruce mars from Pexels

Posture-

For a long time, I assumed that having a good posture was a little thing- but boy, I got to realize that it actually is a big deal. I tell you If you have a good posture, you are already 50% socially refined and A LOT  of people are struggling with this – If you want to learn more about posture, you can revert to my post on posture – I have a semi- concrete explanation about what your posture does for you.

Communication-

Photo by NEOSiAM 2020 from Pexels

Yes, majority of us know the basic “excuse me”  “please” and “thank you”, but what other important aspects of communication are we skipping?


1.  If you don’t have a personal relationship with a person, you should not put a call through to their personal line between 9:00 pm and 9:00 am. It’s a communication rule that respects personal space.  

2.  Stay away from excessive use of capital letters and exclamation marks. They often put people under pressure. It’s either they feel threatened, like they are being yelled at or that there is imminent danger or an emergency.  

     3.   Formal emails and messages should not be left without being replied for over 24 hours. Even if you have to work on whatever the message contains, send a reply acknowledging the message first and ask for time to go through it and get back to the sender in a couple of days. 

  4.  Punctuation marks are important and the subconscious punctuation during when speaking is also important.

  5. You should never end a call rudely and abruptly and if the call is disconnected for some reason, always attempt to put a call through to the person to round up the conversation. 

     If it is a conversation that would benefit you both and the other  person runs out of airtime, be polite and return the call. 

     If you have called for something which is solely to your advantage and you run out of airtime, endeavor to give a warning and call back as soon as you top up your air time. 

      There is a lot, so much, really, but I hope you’ve found something helpful here.

If you have issues in this particular aspect, I’m sorry, your friend cannot help you- and you need coach.

 However, I have some good news for you, I can help you. Simply send an email to jolathefirst@gmail.com and I’d get back to you as soon as possible.