The Thing About Fitting in

At every stage in our lives and in every kind of society we find ourselves, there's always the struggle to fit in- to be accepted or to feel like we are like everyone else in a circle . 

For me, while growing up, the struggle was real.  I wanted to fit into the Christian crowd. I wanted to fit in the popular kids crowd,  I wanted to fit into the bookworms group. I wanted to fit into the "I don't care-crazy crew" . I wanted to fit into the cute girls clique.  I was a mess! 

So, it was like I had multiple personalities  and I couldn't keep up. 

However, as I got older, I got realize that I wasn't crazy for wanting to have in at different settings, where I got it wrong was in my trying to belong to every circle. 

  Hence, my major issue was with identity crisis.  I didn't know who I was or the kind of person I wanted to be.  I got swayed easily.  And the things I had interests in were putting pressure on me to a point of extremism. 

For example,  my love for the fine and fancy took me to a fake extreme. My love for fun and adventure made me so lousy and rough and generally unbearable and my interest in academics drove me to a point where I felt like a failure when I didn't do as well as people I considered to be less intelligent than I was. 

The worst part of the entire thing however, was how I had to shut down every other one for one to "manifest"  (laughing in split personality traits). 

Nothing was making sense.  It wasn't working. 

Then, it dawned on me that what I needed to to do to fit in was to actually stand out. Light bulb moment yeah? But then, What makes a person with a flair for so much stand out?  It's simple. 

Basically, I developed myself in such a way that I had certain standards that I wouldn't drop and I also developed certain skills in life which made me stand out from the average person,  cleaned up my habits and improved on myself generally. 

A lot of us struggle with trying to be be accepted or loved by a certain circle when what we really need is to learn how best to to navigate different settings and circles without getting lost or sucked in where we don't really belong.  

Most times, when we get into a certain space at a point in time in our lives,  instead of maintaining a sense of personal identity,  we want to do things the way everyone else there is doing things.  And when we are done with that phase and we realize that we want something different, it becomes a struggle to create a whole new identity.  

Don't go changing yourself to get a group of people to like you. Instead,  develop a personality strong enough to command respect and admiration from any kind of circle. (Note that this is not the same as trying to make everyone like you. It's impossible.  And infact, you're most likely going to have people dislike you because of your decision to be different). 

So, its okay to be who you are. Learning to do things better or properly doesn't take away your authenticity. It only makes you a better version of your amazing self and can propel you to experience so much more in life. 

What should be constant however is that you are polite,  observe proper hygiene, be sensitive in your interactions with others and observe basic decorum.(We'll discuss this in my next post)

Remember also, you're not fake or double minded for trying to be able to interact with people from all works of life and this is why things like learning basic networking and communication  skills, learning to dress well, maintaining a good posture,  learning how best to eat and general social graces should be non negotiable. 

Irrespective of what you do and where you find yourself, if you are refined, you'll always have that edge. You will know when and how to speak, dress, eat, walk, talk, and the likes. So, be in it in the corporate world, school, out with friends, in religious settings, social gatherings or "high society "- anywhere at all, you know what to do, how to do it and when to do it.  

And the beautiful part about this journey is that it reflects in your personal space as you become a more deliberate, organized and polished person effortlessly.  

You can totally do this. I'm rooting for you.. 

Love, your favorite Image, Etiquette and Lifestyle Expert.